It Shouldn't Be You...

Fair play to Neil Trotter, winner of £108 million in the Euro Lottery. His decision to quit panel-bashing for a life of indulgent debauchery is bang on. It’s a refreshing change from those West Midlands care assistants (etc) who announce that winning seven million quid won’t mean they’ve hosed down their last wrinkley’s arse on a 9-to-5 PAYE basis.

If lottery winners* haven’t been caught snorting coke off the tits of twin Cuban air hostesses within a week they should be obliged to give the money back. It should be the law and an inspectorate should be formed forthwith.

*Winners of smaller sums could either club together or scale down. Perhaps sipping Special Brew from the bum crack of a Lidl shelf-stacker in the North Norwood area. But ostentatiously and with vigour.